Stages of grief | Are the five stages of grief true? (2024)

You may have heard people talk about stages of grief, or about the five stages of grief.

We explain here what it means and what the stages are according to the stages of grief theory, or model.

However, it's important to remember that grief is different for everyone. And each time we experience grief in our lifetime, it will feel different too. So, there are no set stages that we all follow. There is no timescale for grief. And there is no right or wrong way to feel.

What are the stages of grief?

People talk about the five stages of grief as:

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance.

In reality, we do not experience feelings of grief one at a time or in a particular order. We know that there are no set stages that everyone goes through.

You may experience these things – because they are all normal feelings of grief. But they might come at different times, and you may swing between them at different times. It's normal to feel other things too, such as shock, anxiety, exhaustion, or guilt.

Denial

Some people feel numb after the death of a person they cared about. They may even try to carry on as though nothing has happened.

If you experience this, it could be because it's just too hard to believe that the person you know so well is not coming back. You may also still feel their presence and you may think that you have heard their voice or even seen them.

Anger

It is very natural to feel anger after someone dies. Death can seem really cruel and unfair. It can feel harder too if the person who died was too young to die, or if their death leaves you with a lot of responsibility or practical problems.

You may feel angry at the person who has died for leaving you, or be angry at yourself for things you think you didn't do right.

Bargaining

This is when some people who are grieving start making deals with themselves, or perhaps a god, if they are religious.

Maybe they promise themselves that they will now always do (or not do) something, believing that it could make the person who has died come back . Or maybe they believe it will stop anyone else dying −or other bad things happening. This is sometimes called 'magical thinking'.

People may also find that they keep going back over the past and ask lots of 'what if' questions, wishing that they could go back and change things so that they could have turned out differently.

Depression

Sadness and longing are the feelings we think of most when we think about grief. These feelings can be very intense and painful, and they may come and go over many months or years.

The NHS has information about recognising the signs of depression.

But most people find that painful feelings like this become less strong over time. If you do not feel this is the case for you, then you should ask for help. You can read more about our Bereavement Support Service which has trained volunteers who are there to listen and support.

You can also find out about some of the other organisations who can provide bereavement support.

Acceptance

As time passes, most people find that the pain of grief becomes less intense. They can accept that the person has died and that their life will carry on without them.

Rather than saying that grief ends, people often say that they learn to live with it. In time, their life is able to grow around their grief, and they are able to find enjoyment again while accepting that they will always miss the person who has died.

Where did the theory of stages of grief come from?

The psychiatrist Elisabeth Kúbler Ross was the first person to talk about stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying, published in 1969. In this book, she writes about the different emotions people may go through after they have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. So, she was not writing about grief after a bereavement.

In the decades since that book first came out, her stages of grief theory has been used to describe the way our emotions can change during the grieving process after a bereavement.

Does grief have stages?

How we grieve is completely individual and it's different for everyone.

There are no set stages that we all go through. And our feelings and emotions do not follow an order – they will come and go over time.

You may experience some of the things in the stages of grief model, or all of them – or you may have quite different emotions. For example, you may at first feel relief after the death of the person you loved, if they had been in pain, or if caring for them had become very difficult.

You may also experience other feelings such as guilt, or loneliness or anxiety. Read more about how you might feel when you're grieving.

Most of us find that our feelings come and go– this may feel chaotic or out of control, but usually these waves of feeling will become less intense over time.

The idea of moving from one stage to the next has not been my experience at all... They're all mixed in, but they're mixed in five a day. And then the next day you feel completely different.

Does it help to think of grief as having stages?

We now know that talking about stages of grief, may not be helpful for people if they think it means they should feel a certain way at a certain time −or that their grief will follow a setorder.

This could mean that you worry that you are grieving incorrectly even though there is no right or wrong way to feel when you are grieving.

People sometimes describe grief as a journey and you may be someone who finds it helpful to think of it as a journey with stages. The stages are then the emotions which dominate how you're feeling at different times. But they will come and go and will not follow in any set order.

Since people first started talking about the stages of grief theory, we have learnt about many other ways of understanding grief. Read more about understanding how grief feels.

Getting support

You do not have to go through the grieving process alone. There are lots of ways to get support, whether you prefer to talk to someone in person or to join an online community.

Even if you feel like you are managing OK and can cope with day-to-day life, you may still look for bereavement support as a way of helping you to process your feelings of grief.

If you would like to speak to someone about your feelings, contact the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309. We also have trained bereavement support volunteers who can offer up to six sessions of support in the form of a weekly phone call. You can read more about our Bereavement Support Service or contact the Marie Curie Support Line, if you think this might be helpful.

Did you find this page useful?

Help us be there for anyone with an illness they're likely to die from by telling us what you think.

If you are completing this survey using a desktop computer, hold down the Ctrl button to select multiple options.

Stages of grief | Are the five stages of grief true? (2024)

FAQs

Stages of grief | Are the five stages of grief true? ›

The five stages

five stages
According to the model of the five stages of grief, or the Kübler-Ross model, those experiencing suddent grief following an abrupt realization (shock) go through five emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Five_stages_of_grief
denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'. But this isn't often the case.

Are the five stages of grief true? ›

The five stages of grief are ingrained in our cultural consciousness as the natural progression of emotions one experiences after the death of a loved one. However, it turns out that this model is not science-based, does not well describe most people's experiences, and was never even meant to apply to the bereaved.

What are the definitions of the 5 stages of grief? ›

The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling.

What is the hardest form of grief? ›

Some types of loss are more likely to result in CG than others. Loss of a child, loss of a close life partner, and suicide or homicide loss are among the most difficult.

Are 5 stages of grief real on Reddit? ›

Not to spoil the fun, but the five stages of grief are a myth. Using them to try and process grief has been considered by many to be counterproductive and potentially harmful in processing grief.

Is true or false Dr Kübler-Ross outlines the five stages of grief? ›

Who developed the five stages of grief? The five stages of grief model was developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and became famous after she published her book On Death and Dying in 1969.

Is there 5 or 7 stages of grief? ›

There are 7 stages of grief in the grieving process. They include shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. This process helps people heal after experiencing loss. Symptoms of grief usually resolve after 1–2 years.

What are the 5 stages of grief in order from 1 to 5? ›

What are the stages of grief?
  • denial.
  • anger.
  • bargaining.
  • depression.
  • acceptance.
Nov 7, 2022

What does 5 grief mean? ›

A Swiss American psychiatrist and pioneer of studies on dying people, Kübler-Ross wrote “On Death and Dying,” the 1969 book in which she proposed the patient-focused, death-adjustment pattern, the “Five Stages of Grief.” Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

How long do the 5 stages of grief last? ›

There is no specific time period for any of these stages. One person may experience the stages quickly, such as in a matter of weeks, whereas another person may take months or even years to move through the stages of grieving. Whatever time it takes for you to move through these stages is perfectly normal.

What is the most painful loss? ›

The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses.

What is the biggest loss in life? ›

Death, a topic that elicits profound emotions and contemplation in all of us. It's a subject we often shy away from, fearing its dark and inevitable presence in our lives.

What do widows miss most? ›

It's not just that I miss sex in widowhood—though I do—but I miss even more the luxury of just touching and being touched. I miss hugs and casual kisses and the warm body next to me on the couch in the evening. I miss turning over in bed at night and feeling Tom next to me.

Is it possible to skip stages of grief? ›

By its very nature, grief is a profoundly personal and varied experience. Some people may feel intense anger or shame, while others may not. You might skip some of the defined stages or experience complicated grief, which puts acceptance out of reach for a prolonged period.

Does the grief ever end? ›

It's common for the grief process to take a year or longer. Grief most often gets less intense over time, but the sense of loss can last for decades. Certain events, mementos or memories can bring back strong emotions, that usually last for a short time.

Can you go through the 5 stages of grief backwards? ›

You could go back and forth from one stage to another. You may even skip all these emotions and process your loss differently altogether. The five stages of grief are supposed to serve you as a reference, not as a rule.

Is the stages of grief a theory? ›

Bowlby and Parkes proposed a reformulated theory of grief based in the 1980s. Their work is based on Kubler-Ross's model and describes four phases of grief. It emphasizes that the grieving process is not linear.

Are the 5 stages of grief biblical? ›

The five grief stages track typical grief responses. However, they may not correspond with the Bible's process for hurting (grieving) and hoping (growing). Whether you prefer to think of grief in five stages or eight, there are endless Bible verses about grief to help you along the way.

What are the criticisms of Kübler-Ross's theory? ›

Insufficient Evidence: Critics argue that there is insufficient evidence to support Kubler Ross's ideas. The studies that have been conducted have had inconclusive results. Some have found additional stages, and some have found variances in the stages that Kubler Ross outlined.

Can the 5 stages of grief apply to other things? ›

Kübler-Ross's five stages were originally devised for people who were ill but have been adapted for coping with grief. Her theory of grief became known as the Kübler-Ross model. While it was originally devised for people who were ill, these stages of grief have been adapted for other experiences with loss, too.

Top Articles
Latest Posts
Recommended Articles
Article information

Author: Otha Schamberger

Last Updated:

Views: 5939

Rating: 4.4 / 5 (75 voted)

Reviews: 82% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Otha Schamberger

Birthday: 1999-08-15

Address: Suite 490 606 Hammes Ferry, Carterhaven, IL 62290

Phone: +8557035444877

Job: Forward IT Agent

Hobby: Fishing, Flying, Jewelry making, Digital arts, Sand art, Parkour, tabletop games

Introduction: My name is Otha Schamberger, I am a vast, good, healthy, cheerful, energetic, gorgeous, magnificent person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.